TL;DR the one page summary!

From as early as I can remember, I've been on this socially awkward spiral.

When we left Australia at age 5, it was the beginning of a sequence of events that would in various ways lead me to where I am today... 54 years later.

Those first couple of years, travelling to the US and Canada were mind opening, and stimulating - but introduced a couple of challenges.  The first was that we lived in multiple locations cations, attended different primary schools and had different circles of friends.  This was followed up with the older of my sisters breaking away, and returning to Australia separately - in hindsight, because she probably saw the problems it would cause her.  Indeed upon reflection, it may also have contributed to my other sister's challenges in her own life.

After returning to Australia, things settled down for a couple of years, then as my sisters married, my parents moved out to Lismore to run a hotel... again interesting, but it left me in a slightly different group of 'friends' while boarding for a couple of years.  

When that adventure was over, the family of three returned to a family house in Sydney, and around 2-3 years later, my mother died unexpectedly.  Around this time,, but I remember my earliest attempts at dating, and they weren't all that successful... perhaps a harbinger of things to come?  There were a couple of girls I adored, and did connect with, but for whatever reason (mothers, school work etc.) they fizzled out like most teen romances!

Within the next couple of years, dad and I moved three doors to my 'step mother-to-be' house when they married.  Another 18 months, and between my awkwardness and our incompatibility - I was asked to move out on my 18th birthday.

When I got my licence at 18, was when I also began working, and found myself in a wider social group, but recall never forming bonds for whatever reason.  Even Saturday nights, I would either drive around by myself, or move from party/place to place - not from one group of friends to another group.  I shared a flat with another guy for a year, but we were different people working at the same place.

I put a lot of effort into my job and hobbies - modestly succeeding... but neither required me to be socially adept.  I could fly under the radar.

At age 31, in some peculiar way, Lisa and I found each other - perhaps that she was falling out of a marriage, and was outwardly a social person... but in hindsight, quite clingy.  We purchased a small house, and had two daughters in 84/85 but obviously all wasn't well in my head, as that fell apart a couple of years later when I was offered a position to start a video production company from scratch in Malaysia... in 1987.  I went away, ostensibly for a 12 month contract, but only returned 11 years later.  Lisa divorced me obviously, and within the first couple of years, she asked if I would look after the girls for a year while she regrouped herself.

Of course, I didn't realise the gravity of what I'm writing now, and desperately wanted to be loved - and   hooked up with Fatimah... we were both needy, but the worst people either of us could have picked.  We were lucky that she was busy as a lecturer, and I was occupied in the TV industry... but that was a limited time opportunity - both because of my non citizen status, and my broken personality.

We had a boy and girl in 93/97, and moved back to Melbourne to a good job opportunity for me.

That was a great job, and gave me some good exposure in my areas of interest... sadly, I spotted opportunities, but didn't realise that I lacked the social networking skills to bring them together...  I resigned to follow my dreams and almost fell flat on my face... sometimes with the help of others (PC & his hydroauditing project).

Luck saved me with the chance to develop a completely new solution, product and business - mediaproxy, which became an almost overnight success.  Selling internationally with a good reputation.  My mistake was believing in myself, and taking on a business partner that loved himself a little more than our business relationship.

My own business naivety, lack of social ability, and simple mistakes allowed him to steal the whole company in 2007/8.  

By this time, at age 55, my unmanaged diabetes, which was diagnosed in 2000 - was beginning to manifest, and the added stress of becoming unemployed and broke - accelerated the symptoms.  I had put all my eggs in one basketball-again - and painted myself into a corner without leaving windows open.

I tried looking for work in the 'old places' but the industry had moved on, and my skills were very specific to a narrow set of industries that had moved forward in the meantime.   I took a technical sales related job, but as a non-social person, that was a very limited success, and lasted a year before we mutually agreed that I'd be better doing something else...!  A year later, I secured a role as technical guru to support another sales based company... this also lasted a year before the whole company imploded and went into receivership.

Back to the present.

The two older girls live in Sydney near their mother Lisa, and have been affected in their own ways by ear and my mistakes.  They have challenges that I can't fix, other than to offer love and guidance.

The two younger children have turned out really well, but without their being aware, I've been very conscious of making their lives as stable as possible despite clear differences in Fatimah and my parenting styles.  They'll be fine.

The story of my life.  You can only do what you think is right at the time. If you're underinformed, or lacking belief in yourself - you miss out on a lot.  When the time is gone, it's gone.